The Mondegreen.

That angsty teen.

Gary Rego October 31, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 5:37 pm
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Google’s probably going to list me for this, and I’ll get a whole load of spam as a result, but I’m quite taken by the whole business regarding the Captain of Corpus Christi.

Apparently the Acting Headmaster and another senior teacher hushed things up about an accident that occurred.

Whatever the truth was, the boy spoke out against the headmaster for not being present at the Leaver’s Dinner, and against his temporary replacements. His speech was interrupted by three adults who came on stage, pushed his microphone out of the way and forced him to leave.

Apparently the boy’s sentiments weren’t shared by the majority of his peers?

Why would the Captain of Corpus Christi take such a stand, if his enemies were imagined? Why would a boy, who I assume was elected by his peers, based upon his demonstrated merits, who was elected to best represent his cohort, suddenly be exiled? Does he know something most don’t?

Is there something missing?

I suddenly wish I knew more, even though its probably none of my business. I think its regrettable that he couldn’t express himself fully – a speech in front of a crowd you have an emotional investment in is a very difficult act to perform, must be premeditated, and have a reason.

.

Stand up for what you think is right, Gary.

 

The US of A. October 31, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 4:05 pm
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To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

(more…)

 

Something NOT Malasrion-related! October 23, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 6:30 pm

Opened the cupboard door and discovered it led to a desert this time. Hot sand spilled onto the carpet at my feet, and an equally bone-drying wind lapped at my face, roasting my eyes. I held up my arm to shield my face from the dazzling sunlight beyond the doorframe, and all I saw was miles and miles of sand dunes, their lazy curves moving slowly over what seemed to be an endless plain of unforgiving solid sea.

I gathered up my things into a bag and I set off, leaving my Thursday evening television show on at half-volume.

I suppose most wouldn’t be uninclined to tie a rope to themselves and some solid object back home to prevent a possible misfortune from passing unknown, but I gave up the habit after spending a year or two in space, beyond my bedroom, my bedroom door orbiting one of Jupiter’s moons five hundred years in the future. I’d returned from that adventure unharmed, although I now have the innate ability to fool X-ray machines with my healthy dose of peripheral space radiation.

The worlds I explore beyond my bedroom are frequently uninhabited and this adventure seemed little more than a quick stroll on a fairly enormous beach, until I heard a familiar voice.

“I recognise that side-pack anywhere!”

I spun around to find a shady figure stooped over on a dune behind me.

“Hakim?”

“John!” The shadow threw his arms up, casting his heavy rifle into the sand.

He and I ran towards each other. Thinking back now, I might’ve ran, and he stumbled – Hakim was an old man now.

“What’s happened to you, Hakim!” He and I embraced, it had been years, more or less, but not decades.

“It’s been thirty years, John, you left thirty years ago, I’m a poor, weak old man now, my friend!”

“That’s incredible… My recollection of our last visit was little over three years ago, this is the only thing I hate about this business.”

“I was very disappointed, all those years I could’ve used your help – but I’m so pleased you’ve finally returned, John!”

“I am too, I am too.”

He and I just stood there, taking the moment in, before I asked,

“Why is there a desert here, Hakim? What happened to the mountains and the valleys? This is almost absurd!”

The old man, clothed from head to toe in a sand-coloured robe, stared off into the distance, “Everyone asks that upon returning. I suppose I understand, but the thought bitters me – come, I’ll take you to my home, I’ll explain on the way.”

[continued.]

[27/10]

The wind picked up, and I stopped sweating for a while whilst Hakim explained everything to me.

“The sand poured from the tops of the mountains, John.”

“Poured from the t-”

“Like anthills.”

“How bizarre!”

“For months it poured and poured, flowed like water down the slopes of the great peaks, until they were completely submerged. It moved from the tops of the mountains slowly, so we were able to discover new sources of food, and gradually come to accept our goats would all die when all the grass was covered.

Eventually, the clouds disappeared too, and we had to cover ourselves to prevent the awful burns we sustained from lack of shade. I suppose its as simple as that, John – the sands came, along with the camels and the flies and the storms, and everything changed.”

We walked in relative silence for a few moments, before I asked,

“How long has it been this way?”

“The moment you left, John.”

[continued]

30/10

My stomach clenched.

“You don’t think I caused this, do you?”

“You would never do something like this on purpose, John,” Hakim shuffled onwards beside me, face held firmly forward, eyes set square onto the horizon. “But I swear it had something to do with your movements in the past.”

“Sand out of mountains…you have to be right, it makes so little sense.”

 

You, You know, You know my name October 20, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 4:32 pm

You,

You know,

You know my name,

You know,

You know my name,

You,

You, know,

You know my name,

Look up my number!

.

Quite possibly my favourite Beatles song right now!

 

Alexander October 20, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 4:25 pm
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The Magic Bell

.

Far Out Beyond the endless plains

Out where there aren’t tracks or trains

Where there is no such thing as power mains

.

Rings the magic bell!

.

Ting a linga ling it goes

Ting a linga ling.

.

Sometimes I hear the magic bell

If I have a dizzy spell

What a funny almond smell

.

Ting a linga ling it goes

Ting a linga ling.

.

I can’t contain myself

.

Why is it

That every time

You’re near me, now,

You dance with him

In the corner of my eye?

 

Joss Paper October 19, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 9:56 am

Bought some, maybe if I burn it, the curse in that damned object will be lifted.

 

His Left Shoe Is held Together By Duct-tape October 16, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 8:41 pm
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Today I sought

To avoid the older man who helps me cross the road.

He is my favourite person,

And I can’t bear to tell him I haven’t asked school yet.

I make such big promises at the worst times!

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PHASE #3

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Blair’s Version of European Cold War History 1953-1956.

. (more…)

 

The Blair Zone October 14, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 9:28 pm
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YES. WELCOME TO THE BLAIR ZONE. *mystery around every corner*

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PHASE #1

.

Okay, I’m in a difficult situation. I walk around all day, I study in my classes for my upcoming exams, I’m generally a good boy. I even refrain from scorning Hale boys with expensive glasses and ear-cleaning surgical operations that don’t pay any attention to any news about my front tooth, and require multiple encounters with me to realise I’m missing a goddamn tooth, and require me to REPEAT the same story for the nth fucking time to them in anything less than a jovial disposition.

Suffice to say, I’ve taken to just saying very clearly, “BICYCLE” and going about my righteous business.

BUT THIS IS NOT THE POINT OF MY TALE. I walk around all day, being a very busy bee, writing and thinking and sitting, only to have someone come up to me and say:

“Blair you smell! What is that?”

For the life of me, I couldn’t answer them. Starting with a stern resolve to be accountable for a possible stench, I went through a myriad of thoughts in the space of two seconds, finally settling on the conclusion that the person accusing me of an unruly odour must obviously be an idiot, and should be told so.

“You’re an idiot.”

They screw up their face and go about fulfilling whatever bullshit life goal they think Hale can offer them. Cross-breeding cows and iguanas or something.

It was not until I obeyed the commands of my faithful bowels that I discovered the source of my uncouth ability to stimulate one’s olfactory senses in a way unlike any other. There on my lovely blue underpants, surrounding the crease my arse-crack folded ever so kindly was an earnest patch of sweat.

.

Yes, my arse-crack sweats. And it turns out such sweat is unbelievably potent! The strongest smelling sweat does NOT lie in your armpits, reverse your elbows or in the crease of your neck, depending on your weight, but, in fact, in the folds of your arse.

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Why me? Why arse-crack sweat?

.

.

PHASE #2 – Summary of European Cold War History According to Blair

Instalment one, 1945 to 1947.

(more…)

 

Tiny Little Men October 11, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 6:48 pm
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Big marble buildings had grown popular as of late, seeing as mining expeditions were proving ridiculously prosperous in recent times, some people could afford to have priceless amounts of this beautiful white stone carted all the way from the south-west and laboriously chiseled into towering monstrousities of wealth.

Bertrina Humphries found herself a lukewarm guest in such a place.

Taken quietly by and old man up three flights of red-carpetted stairs and into a small, confusingly square room, Bertrina took a careful seat on a decidedly simple chair just apart a low table.

After some minutes waiting, the thin, yet insensibly tall, heavy door to her left wide open, the old man statue-like by its hinges, a man arrived. Black and white, this broad-shouldered, beared man

took an uncomfortable seat in the identical seat opposite Bertrina.

“Miss Humphries.”

“Mister Sherpie.”

“I’m having this door closed, you don’t mind do you?”

“No, please, I know what these rooms are for.”

The enormous, sky-reaching door closed in absolute silence.

“I understand you have communication from The Ministry.”

“Yes, it details action Nela should be making with regards to the Gremanese Republic.”

A brief pause.

“I fail to understand how the Gremanese Republic has anything more to do with Nela,” the greying man leant forward, clasping his hands over the table. Bertrina, legs crossed, continued, unphased.

“As I understand, the Gremanese stand poised to take the Great Plains of Qruv by force in a bid to secure primary produce to replace commodities lost due to The Plauge.”

Broad shoulders shifted, pushing an elbow onto an armrest. The man’s creased brow furrowed and his watery, fading blue eyes wandered over Bertrina’s head.

“Is this a joke? Are you actually serious? The Gremanese Republic of Gremano, insufferably poverty-striken for twenty years now, has assembled a sizeable army, with the ability to contest the Malasrionese sovreignty?”

“Yes. It is estimated to be two hundred thousand men strong.”

The man moved at once in his seat. He instantly took to assessing Bertrina.

“Where are you from, again?”

“External Affairs, Mister Sherpie.”

“Under whose governance?”

“Minister Noska Remesko.”

“Let me see you papers.”

Bertrina broke her steely gaze, annoyed. Every pillar of Nelen society had reacted like this. She arrived at some Authority’s office, some perversely aggrandised building advertising power, to be asked for identification the moment her presence became unpleasant. She passed over her papers, stuffed in her breast pocket from the last official visit.

“What is this, Humphries?” Sherpie no longer carrying an air of weighty benevolence.

“The Ministry of External Affairs requires you comply with new legislation regarding the production of arms for a predicted armed conflict with the Gremanese Republic.”

“But it’s not possible there can be one, Humphries, there’s simply none of them to fight, there have been bands of petty fear-mongers committing serial crimes, but nothing of such grossly impossible proportions, woman! Are you mad? This is just not possible, I myself travelled to the very cradle of their filthy country, and I saw nothing. I saw ruins. Burning ruins of stone, lime and nothing. There was no man or woman to be seen for hundreds of miles. I travelled the entire swamp-ridden land they call countryside and saw scant but burning, crumbled remains of what had maybe even been earnest mediocrity. There is no Gremanese threat, so help me, and there never will be – this plague will wipe those sorry motherless infants out.”

Bertrina stared at the door. This, with slight variations in racist slander, had been repeated to her little over five times this past week. She laid her thin, leatherbound briefcase on her lap before Sherpie’s reddening face, and produced a wax-sealed, signed document, presenting it to him.

“This is an ultimatum. In past months we have encountered difficulty in … shall we say, gathering co-operation with the Confederate government, and we have gained power to depose those who will not, or in so many others words cannot fall in line.

Sherpie was dumbstruck.

“He’s a despot! He’s a low down despot! This whole country is falling to pieces, Ragzin first, now Remesko! I’ve never been so insulted in my life! I absolutely refu-”

A sharp rapping on the moving wooden wall to the man’s right split his rage. Without notice, the door swung open.

“Goodness, Fsyilli, what do you want?”

“Sir, you’re needed in parliament, the Gremanese have invaded the Great Plains, its said we’re at war.”

Sherpie flung himself, wide-eyed to Bertrina.

.

“You come with me.”

 

Reconciliation Hug Corner October 10, 2008

Filed under: 1 — theamazingfruitsalad @ 10:57 am

As promised:

.

Twixt that brick

Pizza-shop and lively food

There on that corner

Settled their mood

Near that kurb

Late, in the dark

Inside both of them maybe,

(bound to last?)

Found that other spark