Stand crooked and broken, you'll most certainly regret doing it later. Try as fucking hard as you can not to corrupt and watch beurocracy unfold in front of you, the red wax shall mock you.
Live alone, you're safe. Push everyone away. Your island will drown.
Make absolutely no fucking sense.
Attributes: Talking in second person and losing.
Fuck you Blair
From Spike Milligan – “The Bible According to Spike Milligan -Old Testament” (Penguin; London 1993. pp 1-2)
CHAPTER 1
THE CREATION ACCORDING TO THE TRADE UNIONS
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
And darkness was upon the face of the deep; this was due to a malfunction at the Lots Road Power Station.
And God said, Let there be light; and there was light, but Eastern Electricity Board said that He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
And God saw the light and it was good; He saw the quarterly bill and that was not good.
And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night, and so passed his G C S E.
And God said, Let there be a firmament and God called the firmament heaven, Freephone 999.
And God said, Let the waters be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear, and in London it went on the market at six hundred pounds a square foot.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, and the earth brought forth grass and the Rastafarians smoked it.
And God said, Let there be lights in heaven to give light to the earth, and it was so, except over England where there was heavy cloud and snow on high ground.
And God said, Let the seas bring forth that that hath life, flooding the market with fish fingers, fish-burgers and grade three salmon.
And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the sea, and let fowl multiply on earth where Prince Charles and Prince Philip would shoot them.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth cattle and creeping things, and there came cows, and the BBC Board of Governors.
And God said, Let us make man in our own image, but woe many came out like Spitting Image.
And He said, Let man have dominion over fish, fowl, cattle and every creepy thing that creeepeth upon the earth.
And God said, Behold, I have given you the first of free yeilding seed, to you this shall be meat, but to the EC it will be Beef Mountain.
Men armed with aged weapons knelt a considerable distance from a masked target tied to a post.
The idea behind all of this is pretty bizarre. Turns out that the man tied to the post is going to be shot, because he did something that the men with the weapons believe is wrong.
That’s what people do, y’know.
Well. That’s not the only way to kill a man, or many men, or women. Its not limited to gender, age or – this other concept – race. Some men or women kill other men or women because they believe that they’ll be better off.
A clarification: Kill is a verb. A person or animal lives, then something kills them, and then they are dead.
Another clarification: Dead is the opposite of alive.
Further clarification: Alive is what you are.
In this case, these men are going to kill an enemy man with rifles. Rifles shoot bullets, little metal things that go into a person’s body, which injures them. If you shoot a bullet into someone in the right place, or if you shoot a great amount of bullets at a person, they will die, and you would have killed them.
How a rifle works: Rifles are made of lots of parts. First, there is the trigger. You pull or squeeze this to make the rifle work, and shoot a bullet – or in certain types of rifles, shoot lots of bullets, depending on how long you squeeze or pull the trigger. The next important part of a rifle is its barrel. The bullet travels down this, and spins as it rubs against the spiralled grooves it encounters along its journey. The magazine is where the bullets are stored, where they wait for the trigger to call them to start their journey.
Rifles help you win. The idea of a war is to win. When a war starts, you give rifles to special men (and sometimes women, but not as many for some reason) called soldiers, and they shoot at the enemy, and the enemy will die, and when there is no more enemies left, you win the war.
The problem is that wars get very tricky very quickly. Enemies sometimes have rifles, and they sometimes shoot back. They also want to win, but they want you to lose.
Losing is bad, apparently.
So just remember: If you’re a soldier in a war, you want to win.
Anyway, back to these men. They’re not in a war, but they are soldiers, and they want to win. They’re wearing special clothes called uniforms. When soldiers see other soldiers wearing the same special clothes as them, they know that those soldiers want to win the same thing that they do – so they make a group called an army or a faction or they call themselves all a name.
Because that’s what you do.
Soldiers wear uniforms, and carry rifles – because they want to win, and tell each other apart.
Enemies don’t wear the same special clothes as their enemy. They need to know who the enemy is, so they can shoot them and win.
But as we know – wars get tricky. Sometimes these rules aren’t followed.
The man who can’t see or move is going to be shot by lots of rifles, so that the army or faction or group can feel better, knowing that this man can’t stop them from winning.
Soldiers do what they are told.
Because that’s what they do.
They listen to what other men (and sometimes women, but not as often for some reason) say, and because they want to win the same thing as those men, they shoot rifles to help win.
Special men, who might not be soldiers, have power over soldiers, or other people. Those men are called leaders. Leaders are sometimes picked by people that like them, or sometimes become leaders because they kill people that they think will stop them from winning leadership.
An apology: Leadership is a hard word.
Sometimes leaders have power over other leaders. Power means that special men who don’t have as many listeners listen to someone who has more. (More of a good thing is good.)
Power helps you win what you want.
If an enemy has more power than another, they will win more.
…
I can be very certain of two things.
1) My router has Alzheimer's
2) Nobody comments on my LiveJournal
I have net again, oh what glorious procrastinatory joy. I could be inventing words again. Good lord somebody stop me.
He'd lost another three medals sliding down the soft cliff face, and spent a considerable amount of time hunting through the soil retrieving them.
A man sat eating his lunch (a cheese sandwich) on a treestump in clearly defined front of the tiny minefield. At his feet lay a battered tin lunchbox, its hinged lid resting on the grass. If the boy'd've payed attention, he would have noticed several bullet holes pimpling its surface quietly.
The boy dusted himself off before attempting to scale the pathetic barbed wire fence. The wooden stakes at either side of the boy collapsed weakly from rot upon application of pressure to the fence.
The man looked up.
He swivelled on his treestump: “Y'all right?”
The boy froze: “I dropped my medal -”
“YOUR medal?”
“My grandad's medal,” the boy corrected himself.
“I heard it fall. You're lucky. The weeds don't grow on the mines. Try not to bother me again.”
And with that the man turned his back on the guised boy and returned to his nourishment.
The minefield was only a few paces across both ways, and the environment within it was markedly different from that of the meadow it lay in. Desert sand comprised much of its soil, dying grass and weeds littered the arid earth.
The medal landed in an area of the meadow below that was fenced off for landmines.
THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF OKAY?
We had our inter-house cross country today, and I was shunted behind the water table by a very persuasive Mr Barron. The lazy arse Loton guys who eventually got Kunal and Simon and Devon to replace them and pissed off left me to continually fill the water kegs.
I actually got pretty good at it, but now I feel so fucking kackered from carting water around. Bronchitis + Work = Knackered Blair.
Actually word mathematics is an interesting concept.
Location x Arrogance + Social Familiarity / Population (Social activity) = Popularity
That one might need a bit of work (You watch, I'll tell Lee, and he'll just shit all over it. Apparently, to him, since the character “>” has SO many uses, it is “robust”. I mention “versatile”, but that just doesn't *do it* for Lee-face.) Hah I sound like a prick now.
Tom Jarratt *actually* looked happy to see me today. That's so freaking rare. Not much I can really say to relate to Tom. Nice guy, really is – he'll root your friends too. And then you'll give up videogames and he'll hang out with Year 12 instead.
I dropped my laptop and now there's this thin white bar on the right side of my laptop screen, I'll have to clear basically everything except schoolwork off the thing so I can hand it in to get it repaired without feeling worried about getting into trouble.
Well thats my little rainbow for now.
